Heartbroken in 2014

So jacob moved out, and we broke up. All in the last week.
He is already trying to get with someone else. I cant bare to see him with anyone else. It is making me physically sick. I havent eaten in 3 days. Today is the first day I actually did eat though.
I lost the love of my life, because I dont like sex. I have to work on myself before anyone can love me again.
I dont want to get hurt anymore.

I went out last niggt and kssed a dude. It didnt feel right, or good at all. I dont want to get him back and play games.

I am completely heart broken.

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#oceanbeach #oceanbeachca #1502 #obfilter #summer #sealife #cliffs #sunsetcliffs #rocknroll  (at Ocean beach. SD CA)

#oceanbeach #oceanbeachca #1502 #obfilter #summer #sealife #cliffs #sunsetcliffs #rocknroll (at Ocean beach. SD CA)

So… I did it. I applied for the head cashier position at work. I went so long without ever really wanting to do it, but lately, the front end has been going to shit. Im sure I can turn things around.
Then again, there is the constant question of when am I going to get promoted, from customers. I always say “haha oh, never….” and actually mean it because I hate this fucking place. But, I am at a point where I WANT and NEED something different. So, im hoping I get it as the permanent position. There are 2. One for another month, and one for good…

Grow up.

I keep thinking about last year and how crazy I was. Literally crazy. Meds and everything. I was looking at my scar today, and couldn’t believe I actually stabbed myself. STABBED. I am glad that I no longer am that person.

It’s funny when you can tell what people are on. Like, im at a place and the waitress is definitely on coke. No doubt about it. Sniffling, talking fast, just alert. Know that everyone everywhere is on something. But dont make it obvious. Plus, coke heads hang out here. Like people wont know….

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Bye bye best friend

My pretty much only friend, is moving to Washington. I am so sad. I really don’t have any friends. I have known him for 6 years now and he is my best friend. We’ve been through so much and it was all fun. Im going to miss him, but honestly, I don’t think we’ll stay in touch. Sucks to say but thats how he and I are.
I don’t know why he is moving, but I know hes having a hard time down here.

its a hot day.

Im on the bus going to work. The past few days, I have been dreading going back. I wasn’t off for a reason. Just days off in a row. I can feel the stress level rise. I don’t know how I have come this far in hating my job. It pays well but im not happy. I hate myself for feeling that way, and showing it.

Aside from that, theres not alot new. Michael alig got released from prison after 17 years. I am so happy. I have been on a binge (in more than one way) for the past week. I have been a fan and following him for the past 10 or so years. I forgot that I wrote a paper on him in college. Haha.
Reading all of the interviews and seeing the pictures really really makes me want to get back into some of that type of stuff. Style and music…
I even tried to get my old xanga back, but its gone forever. I had some neat pictures of club kid makeup I did on myself.

Other than that, me and my boyfriend are doing alright. I love him more every day. I am getting bored though. I don’t do anything… no hobbies. I just play on my phone and lay down. Blahhh.

@danstr420 handhead ##trippy #lsd #beer #soberb#funny

@danstr420 handhead ##trippy #lsd #beer #soberb#funny